Gender Neutral Children

Are children born with innate knowledge of how to behave according to society’s expectations of their biological sex?  Of course not: They need to be taught, learning by nurture (not by nature) which behaviors conform to those expected from boys or girls. But the children discussed here, Sasha and Storm, did not receive gender-specific toys, clothing, or verbal queues from parents or community.  It’s interesting to see how their parents coped with criticism for not teaching their child to be a ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ and the associated societal pressures.  Their stories are strikingly similar in that each set of parents was adamant not to inhibit or hinder their child with preconceived notions of conformance to either masculine versus feminine behavior.  

Teaching Gender

Beginning early in their lives, children are introduced to gender roles:  through characters’ actions in television shows and the books read to them, from what they observe in their own households, based on the toys they play with, their rewards and punishment, plus the way parents reinforce appropriate play (Putnam).  It doesn’t take long to saturate.  “Children have been observed to display toy preferences with gender stereotypes at 14 to 20 months of age” according to findings published in 2001 International Journal of Behavioral Development (Serbin).  Another study, “Questioning Gender: A Sociological Exploration,” determined that learning to gender-type, a process wherein gender-specific behavior can be distinguished, occurs when children are between the ages of two-and-a- half and three (Ryle 131).  Weinraub’s results from 1984, published in Child Development, determined that children between 2 and 4 years of age “become aware that there are two categories of people – male and female – and they also become aware of the category into which they fit…[they] discriminate individuals in one category from individuals in another” (1493).  All these studies determined that children are aware of and make choices based on gender before the age of five. 

The Genderless Child

Both Sasha and Storm were raised without the conventional notions of gender identity.  Their parents avoid gender determinants – by removing the factors which affect their children’s learning about gender – eliminating distinctions or adherence to gender norms.  Even their biological sex was a closely kept secret that their families did not reveal to anyone – only their midwives knew for sure. 

Distinctly rigid ideas of gender would repress and limit them, their parents feared.  Sasha’s mother was concerned that gender stereotyping would impair her child’s development by skewing his/her potential.  Storm’s parents didn't want him/her to be limited by sex, instead to be able to choose whatever was comfortable later in life when s/he was prepared to make more informed choices.  Storm’s parents sought freedom of expression, which they hoped would lead their child to being well-adjusted. 

Sasha’s parents are considered odd – shunned by other parents who do not understand them as well as criticized by family and friends.  Sasha, who had not been bullied for wearing girl’s clothing, appeared at-ease in the photographs.  However, the article about how Storm was being raised described his/her family’s life as the “outlandish world of gender-free parenting” (Leonard).  Obviously, this author was jaundiced in his outlook and reporting of the story.

In addition, experts in the field were disparaging.   In the article about Storm’s upbringing, a child psychiatrist frowned on gender-neutrality with this disapproving remark, “To raise a child not as a boy or a girl is creating, in some sense, a freak. It sets them up for not knowing who they are” (Leonard).  In both articles, identical experts' comments were published regarding an environment free from gender norms.  First, a child psychiatrist expressed dismay insisting that “When children are born, they’re not a blank slate. We do have male brains and female brains. There’s a reason why boys do more rough and tumble play; there’s a reason why girls have better language development skills” (Wilkes and Leonard). Then, a noncommittal observation of a psychology lecturer appeared in both articles, maintaining that, “It’s hard to say whether being raised gender-neutral will have any immediate or long-term psychological consequences for a child, purely because to date there is little research examining this topic” (Wilkes and Leonard).

Breaking the Gender Barrier

I would be concerned about the negative impact of raising a child without gender – specifically because it strikes at the core of what is normal.  It’s extremely difficult to transgress society’s rules for behavior, and a person has to be uniquely stable and confident to withstand the onslaught of contempt for being different.  So, while I see the parent’s arguments that gender is limiting, it is also a major factor for societal expectations.  I could not see myself being bold enough to set my child up for the punishment that goes along with breaking society’s rules. 

However, I give Sasha’s and Storm’s parents a great deal of credit for following their beliefs, forging ahead despite controversy, and seeing through their convictions – because their confidence will likely fuel Sasha and Storm to persevere in the upheaval of classmates and peers who will no doubt find their upbringing unusual and fodder for teasing.  Everyone else whom Sasha and Storm will encounter will have opinions that are contrary to the way they were raised.  These kids will bear the brunt of being different. 

Having said that, there’s always someone who has to be the role model for change – and that person’s path is clearly fraught with controversy.  I think of Jackie Robinson, who was the first African American to play baseball in the non-Negro leagues.  He too was looked upon for breaking stereotypes. His role was to show that society was better served by eliminating racial bias.  He endured the social reaction of being different.  He “broke the color barrier” that had restricted black players to Negro leagues.  Sasha’s and Storm’s parents are like Branch Rickey, the baseball executive credited with bringing Jackie Robinson to the Brooklyn Dodgers; these parents are showing us that there is a “gender barrier” and that it needs to be broken.

                                                                 Works Cited

“Canadian Parents Raise Gender-Neutral Baby by Not Revealing Its Sex.” AutoStraddle. 24 May 2011.  Web. 17 April 2015.  http://www.autostraddle.com/canadian-parents-raise-gender-neutral-baby-by-not-revealing-its-sex-90186/

Leonard, Tom.  “The Baby who is Neither Boy nor Girl: As gender experiment provokes outrage, what about the poor child's future?”  Daily Mail. 27 May 2011 Web. 17 April 2015. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1391772/Storm-Stocker-As-gender-experiment-provokes-outrage-poor-childs-future.html

Putnam, Jodi. “Influences on Children’s Development.”  Purdue. N.d. Web. 17 April 2015. https://www.extension.purdue.edu/providerparent/child%20growth-development/influencesongender.htm

Ryle, Robyn.  Questioning Gender: A Sociological Exploration. Thousand Oaks, CA:  Sage Publications, Inc.,  2012.  Print.

Serbin, Lisa, et al. “Gender Stereotyping in Infancy:  Visual Preferences for and Knowledge of Gender-Stereotyped Toys in the Second Year.”  International Journal of Behavioral Development. 25(1) 7-15. 2001.Web. 17 April 2015.

Weinraub, Marsha, et al.  “The Development of Sex Role Stereotypes in the Third Year: Relationships to Gender Labeling, Gender Identity, Sex-Typed Toy Preference, and Family Characteristics.”  Child Development. Vol. 55, No. 4. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. August 1984. Pp. 1493-1503. Web. 17 April 2015.

Wilkes, David. “Boy or girl? The parents who refused to say for FIVE years finally reveal sex of their 'gender-neutral' child.” Daily Mail. 20 January 2012. Web. 17 April 2015. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2089474/Beck-Laxton-Kieran-Cooper-reveal-sex-gender-neutral-child-Sasha.html